Long Live Me
by Dante Pierre
Summary: Janine isn't all she seems. The Triple Monarchy take over the world. Jack Harkness and Irene Adler fall madly in love. And there's so much more.
1. Balthazar

**A/N:**

**We own nothing.**

**So I guess this is sort of a crossover, but there were too many fandoms involved. it's not really a crossover, even though it seems like it. You'll get what I mean at the end. :D ****It includes characters from the Supernatural, Doctor Who, Merlin, Avengers/Thor, Harry Potter, Sherlock...and I think that's all.**

******This fic/story/thingy is kinda cracky and just odd in general. Don't take any of the hate(?) against some of the characters seriously, it's all just meant to be humouress, we don't actually hate any of the characters we make fun of.**

******Please review! :)**

******Hope you guys enjoy this one.**

******~Dante Pierre**

* * *

There once was a woman known as Janine. She fell in love with Sherlock Holmes, but their relationship took a nasty turn when she realized that he had only been using her to get close to her boss.

Despite all this, everyone believed Janine to be a good-natured, good-humored woman with a bright head on her shoulders. We all also believed her to be a completely normal, nothing-out-of-the-ordinary woman, but this was in fact, not true. You see Janine wasn't all that she seemed, or who she said she was. Janine was actually the amazingly awesome and totally cool archangel Gabriel.

Gabe had been bored one day, as God had told him to lay low and not interfere with anything after the apocalypse ended. Since Gabe wasn't the type to disobey orders from the man upstairs himself, he had taken to hiding out in the deepest, darkest corners of Heaven, with no company at all except for the piles of chocolate bars he had stashed away in his many pockets. It all eventually got very tedious, all the hiding and doing nothing but watching from the sidelines, so Gabe came up with a plan to amuse himself. He disguised himself as Janine, a secretary, and decided to see just how much trouble he could cause without actually pissing of his father.

* * *

Meanwhile, many centuries back, the Tenth Doctor was taking Martha Jones to see Shakespeare. Unfortunately, the TARDIS had a slight malfunction, and the Doctor and Martha ended up in a place where Shakespeare was nonexistent, but Romeo and Juliet most definitely were. While the Doctor tinkered away at the TARDIS, trying to fix whatever had made his girl go all whacky, Martha was wondering the streets. She had only been out for a few minutes when she accidentally crashed right into Romeo.

"Sorry! Sorry, Miss!" Romeo apologized as he helped Martha up.

"No, it's quite alright," Martha assured him. She looked down at her shirt and noticed that her fall had torn it. Romeo noticed that too.

"I'm so sorry, Miss! Please, come with me, let me replace the shirt!" He suggested.

"Don't worry about it. I can just get myself a new one. This one's old anyways," She told him.

"No, I won't allow it. It's bad enough I knocked you over. Please, allow me to buy you a new shirt." Romeo insisted. He held out his arm to Martha.

"Well, if you insist." She said with a smile. She took his arm and he escorted her to the nearest tailor.

The two quickly fell madly in love, and by the time the Doctor had finally gotten the TARDIS back in shape, Martha and Romeo were making plans to get married.

The Doctor begged her not to stay with Romeo, he told her it would be best for her to go back home. He didn't want to leave her stranded in a strange, new place, but Martha's mind was made up. The two said their tearful goodbyes, and then the Doctor was gone, leaving Martha behind with her new fiancée.

The Doctor, once again lonely and companion-less, decided to seek out some company. He was extremely depressed and decided that if he couldn't find himself someone to cheer him up, he would most definitely end up killing himself.

* * *

Thankfully, it wasn't very long before the Doctor stumbled upon the Master, and the two kept each other company for many long hours, chatting away about every topic imaginable. When the evening came to an end, the two Time Lords, at this point drunk out of their minds ended up in one bed, doing unspeakable things with each other. Needless to say, the next morning's hangovers were absolutely horrible, and the Doctor awoke to a weird pounding sound. At first he believed it to be his head, but then he quickly realized that it wasn't his head. He was, in fact, pregnant, and the pounding sound was the sound of two miniature hearts beating. How he had even gotten pregnant, never mind how it had gotten to such an advanced stage after only a night was beyond the Doctor. All he did know for certain was that he was going to have to deal with it alone.

Upon finding out that he was a father, the Master had quickly made his excuses and had gotten the Hell out of that hotel, far away from the Doctor. He made it quite clear that he wanted no part in the whole ordeal. So the Doctor, once again miserable trudged back to his TARDIS and locked himself away in own of her many rooms to stew in his loneliness and self-hate.

* * *

Not too far from the Doctor, a man named Misha Collins was wrapping up the final details on his plans to take over the world. And take over the world he did. For decades (well, more like one or two weeks) the world lived under Misha rule. They lived horrible lives, all slaves to Misha, until a single brave soul and his trusty companion decided to put an end to it all. His name was Merlin. Merlin dethroned Misha in a matter of days, and soon the world was now under Merlin's rule. His friend Arthur became his manservant, and for a few days the world's population lived happily with Merlin as their leader. He was just and kind, everything a good king should be. Unfortunately, five days after Misha had been dethroned, Merlin and Misha became equal partners in a double monarchy. Once more, the world became an awful place to live in.

The Master, who had just run away from the heavily pregnant Doctor, decided that both Merlin and Misha were sucky kings and needed help. Fast. So the world was quickly changed to a triple monarchy. With the Master in the balance, the world became an okay place to live in. Not great, but really, there wasn't all that much to complain about.

* * *

Alone in his TARDIS, hidden from the rest of the world, the Doctor started to go into labor. The contractions were so painful that each one caused the Doctor to scream out in agony. He simply wasn't meant to carry a child, nor give birth to one and his body couldn't handle it. He knew that if he didn't seek help, he'd probably die, taking his unborn child with him. The Doctor, being a righteous man, couldn't bring himself to allow death to come and murder a child as a result. So he struggled to his feet and made his way towards the TARDIS doors. He only made it just outside when the worst contraction of all came. It was so bad that when he screamed, no sound came out, instead, he promptly passed out. When he came to, there was a figure lifting him up, and another one easing him into a car. He groaned in pain before passing out again.

The next time he woke up he was in a very bright room. He head was hurting horribly and when he went to sit up, an old lady eased him back down onto the bed.

"Where do you think you're going? You've just undergone a major surgery, young man. Lay back down and rest." She chided.

"Who-who are you?" The Doctor mumbled. The old woman pressed a bottle to his lips before answering.

"My name is Madam Pomfrey. Here drink this. It'll help you sleep." She said. The Doctor obliged and soon was out cold again.

The next morning he woke up, feeling much better. He sat up, and this time the old lady didn't make a move to stop him.

He was in a rather small, yet comfy cot and there were curtains to his left and right, probably separating other cots.

"Where am I?" The Doctor wondered out loud.

"Hogwarts, dear. And you're lucky too. When Mr. Potter and Mr. Malfoy found you, you were barely holding on," Madam Pomfrey said as she walked over to the Doctor.

"Stay still." She ordered as she waved what appeared to be a wand over him.

"Alright. You're perfectly fine now. You've recovered very swiftly." She reported once she was done.

"I had a child. Where is it? Is it ok?" The Doctor asked frantically. He had just then remembered exactly what had been wrong with him.

"Your child's fine. He's very healthy, if I do say so myself."

"He?"

"Yes. Would you like to see him?"

"Please."

Madam Pomfrey disappeared behind some curtains before returning a few moments later carrying a small bundle. Carefully, she placed the child in the Doctor's waiting arms. He smiled down at his sleeping son; he was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

"My little boy. I have a son." The Doctor said in wonder, tears springing to his eyes. Madam Pomfrey smiled.

"You should name him." She suggested. The Doctor looked up at her.

"A name? That's a good idea. A name. What should I name him?" He asked the old nurse.

"Anything you want, dear." She said with a kind smile.

"Anything." The doctor muttered.

"Anything at all... I think-I think I'll name him Balthazar. Yes, Balthazar." He said finally.

"That's a lovely name. I'll leave you two alone." Madam Pomfrey walked away, leaving the Doctor behind with his newborn son. The Doctor stared down at the child in his arms, smiling, but soon his smile dropped.

"Madam?" He called out. Madam Pomfrey reappeared.

"Yes?" She asked.

"I-I can't keep him." The Doctor forced out.

"Why ever not?" Madam Pomfrey asked worriedly.

"I'm a broken man. I'm no parent. I can't take care of and raise a child." Madam Pomfrey began to protest, but the Doctor cut her off.

"Please." He begged quietly. "Please find him a home." The old lady relented.

"Alright." She said. The Doctor made a move to give the child back to her, but she gently pushed the child back towards him.

"Hold him. Hold him for now. It might be the last chance you'll ever get," she said, not unkindly. The Doctor said nothing, but held the child against his chest. The old nurse disappeared behind the curtains once more, and the Doctor could hear a door open and close. The child awoke in his arms and started to cry.

"Shhh. Shhh." The Doctor comforted Balthazar, "It's alright, don't cry." And the child stopped. They both fell asleep like that, the Doctor holding his son protectively against his chest.

True to her word, Madam Pomfrey found a lovely couple to raise Balthazar. Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter had been married for a year and yearned for a child. Obviously none of them could bear one, and so when Madam Pomfrey asked them if they would take the child in, they eagerly agreed.

The Doctor gave the child over to Harry and Draco, and then was gone back to his TARDIS, now childless.

Harry and Draco raised Balthazar as their own child, and he grew up never needing nor wanting for nothing. Surprisingly, he turned out to be a muggle born, and so Balthazar was able to attend Hogwarts. He did very well in school and both of his parents were very proud of him.


	2. Gwen and Rose

**A/N:**

**I hope this is somewhat enjoyable so far. :)**

**Once again, any hate towards characters is not meant to actually be mean or offensive to anybody. :/**

**Please review!**

**~Dante Pierre**

* * *

Now if you were to go back in time, back to the day the Doctor named his son, and you travelled a slight ways away, to London, you would find yourself witnessing the beginning of a tragic relationship that would end in pain and misery. That was if you were standing outside of Earl's Court Underground station at exactly 2:04 pm.

It was a week after the Master had joined the Monarchy (time travel's funny like that), so everything was pretty much in order. People were allowed to do as they pleased, and Jack Harkness was doing just that. He was strolling leisurely through the streets of London, when he spotted a very pretty woman. Little did he know, she was Irene Adler, or The Woman, as she preferred to be called. Irene was a professional dominatrix.

She was walking down the street, typing away at her phone, when a rushed-looking man ran out of the Underground station and collided into her. Her phone went flying, and would've most certainly smashed on the pavement if Jack hadn't dove for the phone and caught it. He got up and handed the phone over to Irene with a small bow.

"My lady," he said as he looked up and smiled flirtatiously. Irene gingerly took the phone from his outstretched hand.

"Thank you, sir. I don't know what I would have done if my phone had broken," she replied gratefully.

"Well then, I guess it was a good thing I was around, huh?" He said, straightening up.

"It was," Irene said with a smile, "How can I repay you?"

"How 'bout a coffee at the shop around the corner?" Jack asked. Irene smiled.

"That sounds lovely."

The new couple walked hand in hand to the coffee shop where they would spend hours talking and getting to know each other.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the royal palace, Misha was pacing around his messy bedroom, fretting about the evening's formal dinner. He had nothing to wear! Well, that's not true. He had plenty to wear. He just couldn't find anything in the mess. He couldn't even see the bloody floor, for god's sake!

"That's it!" He announced, "I need a manservant."

The next two days he spent scouring the countryside for a suitable person, and then finally he found someone.

Dean Winchester and his brother, Sam, were hunters. They hunted monsters and evil things that stole children in the dead of the night. Among other things. Although it wasn't his most prominent trait, Dean was a neat freak. The only time he made a mess was when he was trying to piss off his brother for one reason or another.

Dean lived in the States. But it wasn't Dean that Misha found, no no, it was a demon named Crowley. Crowley was the King of Hell, and following Gabe's example, had decided to parade around as someone else out of sheer boredom. He disguised himself as Dean and went around causing mischief. Unfortunately, the disguise had some side effects, and soon Crowley had become as much of a neat freak as Dean, maybe even more so. Misha found him, and was completely enthralled by his ability to keep things squeaky-clean. So Crowley was hired.

* * *

Misha had two friends, Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles. They had all been friends since elementary school; the trio had been nearly inseparable. They grew up very close together, and even eventually took up the same careers, tax accounting. So when Misha took over the world, Jensen and Jared decided they ought to do the same.

After the triple monarchy was established, Jensen and Jared, working together, started negotiating with Misha and the others. Jared wanted to be the Queen of England and Jensen wanted to be the President of the United States. Since Misha was such good friends with them, their requests were quickly agreed to. Jensen became the President of the USA, and Jared the Queen of England. They were both very happy with their positions.

On a regular basis, they would trade and deal with each other, as well as the triple monarchy, but soon Jensen and Jared realized that trading with each other was very hard to do. For some stupid reason, there was a law in both countries stating that unless the rulers of the two countries were related, there were a bunch of rules and regulations as to what they could and could not do. Not wanting to cause any more trouble than it was worth, Jensen and Jared decided to fix the problem the simplest way. They got married.

* * *

Long ago there lived a woman named Gwen. Gwen was a slut that everyone hated, but pretended to love. At one point she was engaged to Arthur, Merlin's manservant, but she fell ill and died an early death. Arthur was heart-broken, but Merlin helped him through his loss. Arthur got over Gwen pretty quickly, once he realized that their love had been a lie and he had actually been in love with Merlin the whole time.

At about the same time, there lived a woman named Rose Tyler. Rose was a bit of a dumbass, but no one really blamed her. She was a blonde, after all. The Doctor, back before he met Martha Jones travelled all around the universe with Rose in his TARDIS. Some people liked Rose, some didn't, but just the same as Gwen, she suddenly fell ill and died at an early age. The Doctor too was heart-broken, but then also realized that he had never actually like Rose that much once he met Martha.

The point is that both Rose and Gwen went to Hell, where they were tortured by the demon Alastair and Arthur's deceased father, Uther.

* * *

One day, Gwen some how managed to escape Hell and return back to Earth. She looked all over the place for her beloved Arthur. Finally, she found him. She found him kissing Merlin under a spruce tree, at the top of a cliff. No one knows how she found them, but she did.

Gwen was so enraged by what she saw that she attacked Merlin and tried to rip him apart with her bare hands. Arthur, who was always armed with his favourite gun, Excalibur, shot Gwen in the back.

As she lay dying, she looked back at Arthur and whispered her last words to him, "How could you, Arthur. I thought you loved me."

"I never loved you Gwen, not really. It was always Merlin." Arthur whispered back. Merlin smirked, and Gwen died for a second time, except this time it was more painful. This time she died with a broken heart.


	3. Dean and Cas

**A/N:**

**We own nothing.**

**Thanks for the reviews so far! :)**

**Hope you enjoy.**

**~Dante Pierre**

* * *

Far far away from Gwen's lifeless corpse, there was an angel named Metatron. Metatron was a dick. Nobody liked him. Well, nobody except one. A man named Chuck, who many suspected to actually be God, quite liked Metatron. Chuck was a writer, and so was Metatron, so they both had something in common. But Chuck had an admirer. A female one. Becky. Becky was an obsessive, annoying, slightly psychotic, and overall clingy woman. And Becky was unabashedly in love with Chuck. She courted him in a million different ways, literally, but each time she failed to capture Chuck's attention and adoration. He just didn't like her.

Becky had finally realized all her attempts to woo Chuck were just not working and decided to give it a rest. She was just starting to take down the pictures of him she had pasted all over her walls, when her computer made a pinging noise. There was only one reason her computer would ping. Chuck had just updated his Facebook status. Becky stared at her computer and bit her lip. She knew she should resist the temptation. She was trying to move on with her life. But the temptation was just too strong. It was like her laptop was just sitting there, begging to be opened. And finally Becky's willpower, or what very little of it she possessed, crumbled into nothingness. She raced over to her computer and flung it open, eyes scanning madly across the screen. And what she found made her gasp out loud.

Chuck was in a relationship, with a man named Metatron. All of a sudden Becky felt very angry. Angry and betrayed. After all the time she devoted to Chuck. All of the time and money she spent getting him gifts. How could he? How could he just disregard her for someone else? She was so much better than this Metatron guy. Becky got so angry; she grabbed her laptop and flung it against a wall. It broke into two parts. But Becky was still seething. She stormed down to her kitchen, armed herself with the biggest, sharpest knife she could find and drove over to Chuck's place. She could see through the window, Chuck and Metatron sitting on a couch, laughing and cuddling whilst watching the TV. Becky was furious. She walked up to the door, rang the doorbell and waited. A few moments later the door opened and Chuck peered out.

"Becky? Becky, I told you not to come to my house. It's weird." Chuck started to complain, but she pushed past him and walked right up to Metatron.

"Becky, what are you doing?" Chuck called out after her. With a sigh he closed the door and walked over to where Becky was opening her purse. Metatron turned around.

"Chuck, who's this?" Metatron asked curiously.

"Just a friend, but she's leaving now," Chuck said, directing his last comment at Becky. Becky ignored him in favour of taking the huge knife out of her purse. Chuck screamed. Metatron tried to jump back. Becky stabbed Metatron in the face. Literally. The blade sunk into Metatron's cheek with a satisfying_ squirshthunk_. There was blood everywhere, and as Becky pulled the blade out, blood squirted all over her face. This only made Becky smile like a madwoman. She was about to deliver the final blow when a firm hand wrapped around her wrist and twisted her arm back, causing her to drop the bloody knife.

Unknown to Becky, another angel, Anna, had already called dibs on killing Metatron. She hated his guts and dreamed about ripping his heart out and making him eat it, so when a random mortal woman came and tried to take her prize from her, Anna got very mad indeed. She had been waiting for the perfect moment to end Metatron, but Becky had gone and ruined all her plans. Enraged, Anna tore Becky's arm off before beating her to death with it. This of course, only made Chuck scream even louder.

Finished with Becky, Anna turned her sights to Metatron who was curled on the floor in agony, both of his hands over his wound. Anna started to walk towards Metatron, but then Chuck tried to stop her, so she had no choice but the throw him against a wall, rendering him unconscious. She turned back to Metatron, and as she reached him, an angel blade slipped out of her sleeve. Angel blades were the only things, besides ignited holy oil, that could actually kill an angel. Metatron raised one hand towards Anna as she approached.

"Now Anna, be reasonable. I'm sure we can reach an understanding." Metatron pleaded. But Anna didn't want to reach an understanding. She wanted blood. Metatron's blood.

Once Anna was done with Metatron, he was unrecognizable. Bits and pieces of him were scattered all over the place, his blood stained everything, and one of the walls was painted with his brains. Anna stood in the middle of it all, covered head to toe in blood and guts. And she smiled. Because now she was finally happy.

Metatron was dead. The moment she had been waiting for for so long had come and passed, and it had left Anna feeling light. Light and relaxed, happy.

* * *

Back in the royal palace, Misha was speaking with his angelic advisor, Castiel. Castiel had always been good friends with Dean Winchester, and he couldn't exactly pin it down, but he knew that something was off with Dean. Some wasn't quite right.

Unfortunately, Misha wouldn't listen to Castiel. He was so happy with his manservant's work that he didn't want to risk losing such a valuable employee. So Cas was on his own. And he turned to his sister, Anna for help. Having just demolished Metatron, Anna was in a good mood and gladly agreed to help Cas figure out what was wrong with Dean. It didn't take long for the duo to figure out that Dean was not actually Dean; the real Dean was still back in the USA. So Castiel brought Dean over to the royal palace to prove to Misha that the Dean he had hired was not, in fact, Dean. Crowley, as a result, had no choice but to flee. He dropped the disguise and escaped to Siberia, where he met a Potion's Master named Severus Snape. The two fell in love, and soon were married.

The real Dean, on the other hand, started working for Misha. His brother Sam took over hunting and Dean officially became Misha's manservant.

* * *

Jack and Irene had been going steady for months, but one day, everything just fell down. They had a huge fight, which ended with Jack leaving the house they had moved into together. His cousin was the Master, so Jack went to go stay at the royal palace. That's where he met Misha.

Jack was still bitter over the ending of his relationship with Irene, and he wanted to get back at her somehow. So he asked Misha out on a date.

Around the same time, Castiel and Dean were also having problems. Cas wanted Dean to notice him, not just see him, but Dean thought that Cas wasn't interested in him. As can be imagined, this was all a rather unpleasant ordeal.

Jack, being the perceptive person he was, noticed what was going on, and devised a plan to help the struggling lovebirds. His plan was to make Dean jealous of Cas, so that the two would realize the feelings they had for each other. In order to accomplish this scheme, Jack asked Cas to join him and Misha on their date.

At first Cas declined, but then Jack explained his plan to Cas, and the angel immediately agreed.

The plan of course worked, but not the way Jack had envisioned. Dean was so jealous that he teamed up with Britain's consulting criminal, James Moriarty in a plan to assassinate Jack. Dean couldn't exactly kill Misha too, him being one of the rulers of the world and all.

Jim and Dean hatched a brilliant plan, and it went down smoothly. The only problem was that Jack never stayed dead. He always came back. You could chop him up into a billion pieces and the next day he'd be alive and well. The reason behind that was Rose. The dumb blonde had once brought Jack back to life, but she had also accidentally made Jack a fixed point in time, and therefore being unable to die.

Dean gave up on the plan, and instead started hanging around Gabe, who was still pretending to be Janine. It seemed that Janine was actually Moriarty's sister, so when Moriarty came to the royal palace to scheme with Dean, Janine had come along too. Even though Moriarty had already left the royal palace after Dean and him had discovered Jack's inability to stay dead, Janine stayed behind. This was of course because Gabe had known Dean before God had told him to go into hiding, and honestly, had always thought Dean was pretty decent company. Gabe also wanted to help out his little brother, Cas, get together with Dean. He knew all about their tragic love story.

Gabe tried every trick in the book to hook Dean up with Cas, but each time he failed. The only thing he had achieved, somehow, was to have Dean fall madly in love with him. Dean actually fell in love with Janine, he wasn't aware that Janine was actually Gabriel. So Gabe had no choice but to reveal whom he truly was to Dean. The ex-hunter was surprised to say the least. Janine being Gabe was so unexpected, that it hadn't even crossed his mind as a possibility.

Gabe though, was becoming frustrated. Nothing was working. Nothing at all. Every time he tried to get Cas and Dean together, it failed miserably. Gabe decided to make one last desperate attempt, and he cast a love spell on Dean. The first person Dean laid eyes on, he would immediately profess his love for. This would have worked, if Castiel had been the first person Dean saw. Instead, it was Misha. What was even worse was that Cas was in the room at the time that Dean wrongly professed his love for Misha. Gabe had never facepalmed harder in his life. It seemed like Cas and Dean just weren't meant to be.

With a snap of his fingers, Gabe undid the spell, leaving behind a very confused Dean, a flattered Misha, and a furious Castiel. Needless to say, nothing good came out of it.

Cas and Dean started fighting like they had never fought before. Gabe tried to physically separate them, but with no avail. Within seconds they were at each other's throats. Just when it seemed like they were on the verge of killing each other, the doors slammed open and in walked the Doctor. He took one look at Cas and Dean before he shaked his head sadly.

"You two love each other. Why do you fight like that? I've made mistakes in life, so many of them, so trust me when I say hold onto those you love and never let go. Don't fight with them. It's not worth it."

Right after the Doctor finished his beautiful speech, he promptly collapsed and died for reasons unknown.


	4. Bananas

**A/N:**

**We own nothing. :)**

* * *

Back in Hell, Rose was finally getting a break from what seems like endless torture. The only reason for this was that Alastair and Uther had accomplished what they wanted. Rose had been tortured to the breaking point, and now was a demon. Her eyes were black as night. She ripped the restraints that held her down off and made her way back to Earth to find the Doctor.

She found him alright. And he was dead. Rose screamed in agony and wept over the Doctor's lifeless body for hours. Finally, she rose on shaky legs and looked at the world around her. The world that had killed to Doctor. The only man she ever loved. And all of a sudden she wanted to tear it all down. Burn the world and kill everyone in it. She killed a whole country's worth of people and burned down their homes before the Master stepped in to intervene. He tried to stop her, tried to reason with her, but nothing worked. Finally, the Master was given no choice but to send her back to Hell. And he would've, if not for the shoe that hit him squarely on the nose, causing him to stumble backwards and give Rose a chance to flee. The shoe, surprisingly, ended up being the one and only shoe that Sam had lost when he had been cursed with bad luck. Rose escaped and continued to rampage down the countryside, killing and burning everything in her path.

* * *

Jack and Misha didn't work out. There just hadn't been that spark between them. Not to mention Jack was missing Irene too much to even pay any attention to Misha. One day Jack decided to suck up his pride and tell Irene just how much she meant to him and hope she would take him back.

He showed up on her doorstep with a dozen roses and rang the doorbell. He had barely gotten two words out when Irene grabbed him by his coat and dragged him into the house before proceeding to snog the living daylights out of him. The roses were discarded to the side of the entranceway.

"I missed you." Irene breathed after finally breaking off the kiss.

"I missed you too." Jack replied, just as out of breath.

The two didn't leave the bedroom for another solid seven hours.

* * *

After the Doctor died right in front of them, Cas and Dean ceased fighting. But they didn't heed the wise traveller's words, and instead went their separate ways. Dean continued to work for Misha, and Cas moved to America to live with Dick Roman. Gabe had given up completely on playing matchmaker, and was just as mopey and depressed as Dean and Castiel. Maybe even more so. He had been really disappointed when his last scheme had taken a turn for the horrible. He had since dropped the persona of Janine, and instead moped around the royal palace as his normal self. Life was boring for all three of them. But then one afternoon, that all changed.

In the middle of the royal palace grounds, the TARDIS appeared right next to Gabe and Dean, and out came the Ninth Doctor, along with Sam and Chuck. Then the sky started raining bananas. It was all very odd. To top it all off Sam started sobbing, and when Dean rushed to his side and frantically asked him what was wrong, Sam choked out that he missed his lost shoe. Dean was utterly confused by the statement, but tried to comfort his younger brother nevertheless.

Amidst all the chaos, Loki appeared and started screaming and throwing things and people at other people. He was causing quite a lot of damage, and was even frothing at the mouth, so Gabe took it upon himself to right things. He picked a banana off the ground, peeled it and shoved it in Loki's mouth. All it took was one banana to cure Loki.

"Thank you." Loki said, after he finished eating the banana, "I don't know what got into me."

"No problem. I've seen it before. A banana always does the trick." Gabe said, shrugging nonchalantly.

"Where did you even acquire a banana from?" Loki asked.

"Oh, they were falling from the sky." Came Gabe's casual response.

Loki nodded as if that made perfect sense. All of a sudden there was a huge explosion and the TARDIS was no more. Rose had gotten into it and had messed it up so bad that the TARDIS just exploded. This just added to the chaos, not to mention the loud noise had startle Loki horribly, causing him to bawl like a two year old. Gabe rushed around trying to console his new friend while making sure nobody was hurt at the same time. Then seemingly out of nowhere, another person appeared. It was the War Doctor, and upon seeing people he didn't recognize, this version of the Doctor started running around blowing things up. Loki started sobbing even louder and Gabe gave up. He really hated life sometimes. He scooped Loki up like one would a small child, and disappeared with a flap of his wings. A few moments later Gabe reappeared and scooped up Sam as well, who was still crying over his missing shoe. Dean had left his upset brother in favour of trying to take down the War Doctor. Once more Gabe disappeared, taking Sammy with him.

It was then that Crowley decided to come back to the royal palace, but this time, he had an actual goal in mind. Crowley was armed with countless needles filled with elephant blood and he was running around injecting random people with the blood. Crowley had mixed the elephant blood with lilac essence, which created a toxin. Essentially, he was running around killing people, although he was doing it in a fairly creative way.

All the while, Merlin and Arthur stood to the side wondering what the bloody fuck was going on.

Adding to the mess, Snape waltzed into the royal palace, coming to join his husband, but then one of the bananas falling from the sky hit him on the head really hard and killed him instantly.

It also so happened that at the time of all the chaotic downpour of bananas, things blowing up and people getting killed by elephant blood, Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy had been paying a visit at the royal palace. Harry was distantly related to Merlin amd the two had been invitied to spend some time at the royal palace. Balthazar was back at Hogwarts, finishing up his last year. Draco and Harry had left their room to go see what all the noise was about, when a maniacally laughing Crowley jumped Harry and tried to inject him with the elephant blood concoction. Draco shoved Crowley off of Harry, but ended up getting injecting with the blood. Draco fell to his knees, and Crowley ran off to inject someone else.

"Draco, Draco, please! No! Don't die!" Harry cried as he cradled his husband in his arms.

"I love you." Draco whispered. And with that the blond's eyes closed, never to open again. Harry pressed his forehead to Draco's and wept openly for a few minutes before pulling himself together; taking out the dagger he kept strapped to his ankle and slitting his own throat. Harry choked and gurgled on his own blood for a moment before falling over on top of Draco's corpse.

* * *

Hidden in the shadows, Dean watched as Harry chose to kill himself rather than live without Draco. It made him sad and it made him miss Cas even more so than he usually did. So Dean did the most logical thing to do meh prayed to Cas. He prayed and prayed and begged Cas to come back, and Cas answered. He smote Dick Roman and flew over to Dean. Except, for some reason, smiting Dick Roman caused an odd chain reaction of sorts. Dean, Cas, the Ninth Doctor, Jared and Jack all got sent to Purgatory.

Having no one else to turn to, Irene begged Sherlock to bring them all back. Sherlock, seeing no reason why he shouldn't, brought them all back but one using his powers of deduction. Unfortunately, for yet again another unknown reason, Dean got stuck behind in Purgatory. Cas was ready to sacrifice his grace to get Dean back, when Adam, who was now a demon after his very very long time in the cage with Lucifer and Michael, appeared and offered to bring Dean back. No thinking it through, Cas agreed. Adam brought Dean back, but it was all very short lived. Almost immediately Adam sent Dean down to Hell, and on his way out killed Sherlock and John. Sherlock because his powers of deduction were a threat, and John because Adam didn't like the type of tea he had been drinking. Of course this not only made Cas even more distraught, but also Irene. Sherlock and John had been her friends, and now they were gone.

* * *

That night, Irene tiptoed into the basement while Jack was asleep and summoned Crowley.

"Hello lovely." Crowley greeted.

"Can you bring Sherlock and John back? I want to make a deal."

"I can. Do you know what it will cost you?"

"Yes. And I'm willing."

"Then let's seal this deal. Make it official."

Just then Jack burst into the basement. He had heard Irene get up, and when she didn't come back within a few minutes, he had gotten up to look for her. He knew the death of Sherlock and John had been hard on her.

"No!" He cried, upon seeing exactly what was taking place.

"This isn't your decision!" Irene cried, "My soul is my own, I can do with it what I wish."

"No, I won't let you." Jack said before turning to Crowley.

"I won't let you kill yourself." Jack repeated.

"Take me instead. I'll make the deal. My soul for Sherlock and John." Jack said firmly.

"Jack, no!" Irene cried frantically. But it was too late. Jack grabbed Crowley and kissed him.

"There. It's official. The deal's sealed." Jack stated.

"Yes it is." Crowley confirmed.

Jack turned back to Irene who had tears streaming down her face. Jack wiped them away with his thumbs.

"I'm sorry, love. I couldn't let you kill yourself. I just couldn't." He whispered.

"Why Jack, why? You could've let me do it. I wanted to do it." She choked out through her tears.

"Shhh." Jack hushed as he pulled Irene against him. The two held each other until Crowley cleared his throat.

"This is touching and all, really, but I've got places to be. Come on loverboy, hurry it up." Crowley ordered impatiently. With one last squeeze, Jack let go of Irene and walked up to Crowley. The demon snapped his fingers and then the two of them were gone, leaving Irene weeping on the cold stone floor. Jack never told her that he wasn't able to stay dead, so she didn't know that one day, probably in the near future, he would come back to her.

* * *

Back at 221B, Sherlock and John reappeared, Sherlock standing by the window, and John sitting in his chair. John looked down at his now cold cup of tea on the table next to the chair and then looked over at Sherlock.

"Well, that doesn't happen everyday," John commented.

"Nope, it doesn't. But I was right." Sherlock looked away from the window and at John.

"Right? About what?" John asked.

"Heaven is boring."

* * *

Irene still hadn't picked herself off the basement floor. She had been sitting there for hours, wondering what to do next. Finally, she made her choice. Slowly and on shaky legs, Irene stumbled to the bathroom, and turned the tub on. When it was full, she plugged in her hair dryer, turned it on and got in the tub. Irene closed her eyes and took a deep breath, a single tear traced down her cheek, and then she let the hair dryer drop into the water. She died almost instantly.


	5. Long Live The King

**A/N:**

**We own nothing. Still.**

**Enjoy! :)**

* * *

Sam had finally stopped crying about his lost shoe, and Gabriel was grateful. He couldn't do two sobbing fully-grown males at the same time. It was too much work for one archangel. Loki was, of course, still bawling.

Sam sniffed and wiped his eyes with his sleeve.

"You good, Moose?" Gabe asked. Sam nodded.

"Oookay. Then let's get you back home," Gabe said as he got up. Sam shook his head and tears threatened to once more spill over his eyelashes. Gabe put his hands up in defeat.

"Ok, ok. I won't send you home. Just please, Sammy, please don't cry anymore." Gabe pleaded. Sam nodded ok.

"How bout I send you to Cas? Hmm?" Gabe asked with a smile. Sam nodded and then held his arms out for a hug. Gabe sighed, but did give Sam a hug.

"It's okay Sammy," he said as he patted Sam on the back. Sam nodded again and let go of Gabe. Gabe smiled kindly and then with a snap of his fingers, Sam was gone. Gabe let out a sigh of relief and turned back to Loki.

"Do you need a hug too?" He asked. Loki nodded.

* * *

If Cas was surprised when Sam appeared next to him, he didn't show it.

"Hello Sam," he greeted politely.

"Hi." Sam said meekly.

"Where's Dean?" Sam asked quietly. Cas looked upset all of a sudden.

"Did something happen to him?" Sam questioned. Cas just nodded.

"Oh." Was Sam's only response.

Just then the doors burst open and in strolled Dean and Adam, laughing and talking.

"Dean! You're okay!" Cas cried.

"Uh yahh?" Dean replied rather rudely.

"Dean...What's wrong with you?" Cas asked, all of a sudden very wary.

Sam spoke up, "Dean what happened to you? Where did you go?"

"Went to Hell, Sammy. And now I'm a demon! Check it out!" Sam's eyes widened, horrified, as Dean's eyes went black.

Adam had run out of patience by this point.

"C'mon Dean. I wanna go burn that old lady's house down!" Adam said irritably.

"Okay, okay. Jesus." Dean turned and without even looking back once, left the house with Adam.

The next morning, when Cas went to go tell Sam he might have found a way to cure Dean, Cas found Sam dead on the kitchen floor, his wrists slit.

* * *

Jack was too late. By the time he had gotten back to their house, Irene was dead. He was shocked at first. Gently tapped her arm to see if she would wake up. When she didn't, he sat down next to the tub, waiting for her to come back. He sat there for at least three hours before he realized that Irene wasn't coming back. Unlike him, when she died, she stayed dead.

Jack summoned Crowley and asked to make a deal, but Crowley told him no way, he wasn't making the same mistake twice.

And so Jack sat there, alone in the basement wondering, just as Irene had, what to do next.

* * *

Sam's death motivated Cas. He would fix Dean, he would make things right, and he would do it for Sam. He didn't leave a single stone unturned, but in the end, there was just nothing. Absolutely nothing. So Cas did the only thing he could think of. He confronted Dean.

Dean was playing pool with Adam when Cas walked into the bar.

"Oh, hey Cas! Wanna join?" Dean asked. Adam just rolled his eyes.

"Dean, we have to talk," Cas replied seriously before grabbing Dean's arm and dragging him away from the pool table.

"You don't have to drag me," Dean complained. Cas stopped and whirled around.

"Sam is dead, Dean." Dean stared at Cas speechless.

"What?" He finally said.

"Dead, Dean. He killed himself. The same night he found out you had turned into a demon. He killed himself." Cas repeated angrily.

"He killed himself-Sammy killed himself because of me?!" Dean whispered. Cas could only nod.

"Oh god. What have I done." Dean's hand blindly groped for a chair behind him, and when he found one he pulled it towards himself and sat down. Adam finally looked over at Dean and Cas, and upon seeing Dean's white, shocked face, decided to see what was going on.

"Dean, what's wrong?" Adam asked as he approached his half-brother.

"Sammy. Sammy's dead." Dean muttered, still not quite believing it.

"Oh. That." Adam laughed. Dean looked at him.

"You knew?"

"Of course I knew. I watched as his life bled out of him." Adam replied with a smirk.

Just then Crowley appeared out of thin air and started strangling Adam from behind.

"You let Moose die! I liked Moose! How could you let him die!?" Crowley shouted as he crushed Adam's throat. Dean took out his demon-killing knife that he kept as a memento of the past and stabbed Adam in the gut with it. Adam's eyes widened as Dean twisted the blade before they closed. Adam was dead. For good.

Crowley let Adam's body drop to the floor and looked at Dean.

"You better go, Squirrel. The cops will be here soon." Crowley told Dean. But Dean didn't reply. Before Cas could stop him, he spun the blade, slick with Adam's blood, and stabbed himself with it.

"Dean!" Cas cried as he lurched forward, but it was too late. Dean was dead.

* * *

Jack had decided what to do. For the next few days Jack only did research, nothing else, and finally, finally he found what he was looking for. He summoned an angel, and when she appeared he pulled a rope that let loose a bucket, dousing the angel in holy oil. Before she could fly away, he lit a match and threw it on her. The angel screamed horribly, and it took a while to die, but it finally did. And when the angel was dead, Jack put out the remaining fire with his boot, and the proceeded to dig around the angel's remains. At last, he found what he was searching for. An angel blade.

That night he set up a Devil's Trap on the basement floor and then summoned Crowley once more.

"I've told you already! I'm not making any deals with you!" Crowley cried in frustration when he appeared. Jack said nothing.

"Oh, lovely. A Devil's Trap. No chance you'll just let me out is there," Crowley remarked. Jack still didn't reply. Crowley sighed.

"What happens when one kills the King of Hell?" Jack asked innocently.

"They become King. Why do you want to-wait a second. Jack, come on now. Whatever you're planning on doing-" But that's as far as Crowley got before Jack stabbed him up through his head.

"Long live the King." Jack muttered before wrenching the blade out of Crowley's head.

"Long live me." He said as he walked away.

Jack ruled Hell with an iron fist. Any demon out of line was gotten rid of immediately, and deals were shortened down to only one year of life in return for whatever the person wanted, rather than ten. Irene's death had made Jack bitter and hateful; some might even have said evil.

It wasn't long before people on Earth, namely the triple monarchy, realized that something had to be done about Jack. Hell's numbers were just growing to fast. At the rate they were climbing, there would be more people in Hell than in Heaven and Earth combined within a month. Many tried slaying the new King of Hell, but seeing as Jack couldn't really die, they all failed.


	6. Annabanana

**A/N:**

**We/I own nothing. _Sigh_**

**This is the last chapter, by the way.**

**I hope this has been somewhat enjoyable for those that read it. :)**

**Thank you to the people that reviewed, I LOVE REVIEWS! :D (Who doesn't?)**

**~Dante Pierre**

* * *

Dean woke up in a pink room. He sat up and looked around, everything was girlish and pink or purple.

"Where the Hell am I?" He muttered. Then it all came back to him.

"Oh god. Sammy!" Dean jumped out of the bed he had been put in and ran out of the room. Why was he alive? He had killed himself. He killed himself because of what he did to Sammy. He couldn't live with himself after that. Was this his punishment? Was he meant to live in misery all the while knowing he was the reason Sammy was gone? All these thoughts reached through Dean's head as he tried to find his way out of the foreign house. And he smashed right into someone.

Dean looked down and was surprised to see that it was Lisa.

"Lisa? What are you doing here?" Dean asked as he helped her up.

"This is my home." Lisa replied before crushing Dean in a huge hug.

"It's so good to see you, Dean!" She said. Dean returned the hug.

"It's good to see you too, Lisa. Wait, this is your house? Why am I in your house?" Dean questioned. Lisa let go of him.

"I made a deal."

"WHAT?!" Dean yelled.

"Don't yell! Just hear me out! The angels needed you here, now. So I made a deal to get you back, and in return the angels have guaranteed that Ben and anyone that comes after him will go to Heaven. No matter what." Lisa explained.

"But you're still going to Hell." Dean muttered darkly.

"That's ok." Lisa replied bravely.

"No, it's not. You shouldn't have done that." Dean said sternly.

"I had no choice. Things are getting bad here, Dean. Ever since Jack's taken over Hell..." Lisa looked forlornly at the floor.

"Wait, what? Jack's taken over Hell? How? Why?"

"I don't know. All I know is that the angels think you can make it right."

"Me? How?"

"I'm sorry, they didn't tell me anything else." Lisa said apologetically.

"She didn't need to know anymore than that." Filled in a voice from behind them. Dean whirled around. There was a man standing behind them.

"Dean Winchester. It's good to see you again." He greeted, although it was a bit cold.

"Who are you?" Dean demanded.

"You don't recognize me? Shame. We almost shared one body." The man hinted. Dean sighed.

"Michael."

"Bingo!"

"So that's why you need me. You need a vessel."

Michael looked down at his body.

"This one's burning up. I need one that can hold my without being completely incinerated."

"The answers still no. It always will be." Dean said coldly.

"Oh really? Tell me, Dean. Do you know what happened to little Sammy after he offed himself?" Michael paused, and when Dean didn't answer, he continued, "Sammy went to Hell, Dean."

"No. No he didn't." Dean argued, "He doesn't to deserve Hell!"

"Whether he deserved it or not, doesn't matter. You kill yourself, you get to take the express train to Hell." Michael finished with a smirk.

"Now, we can fix that. Raise Sam's soul to Heaven, where he belongs, instead of in Hell, where you put him, but you have to do something in return. You have to say yes."

Dean rubbed his eyes before deciding.

"Fine. Yes. Fine. Whatever. But you better be good on your word." Dean said. Michael left his current vessel, and flowed into Dean as a bright blue mist-like light. When he was finished, Michael looked down at his new body.

"Ah. Much better."

* * *

The fight between Jack and Michael was fierce. Lots of blood was shed and there were many wounds dealt, but in the end, Michael proved to be really no different from every other person that had tried to dispose of Jack. Jack won and Michael lost. Michael died, along with Dean, and sadly, Sam's soul stayed in Hell.

* * *

All seemed lost. Not even an archangel could beat Jack. There was no hope. But then hope came. And it came from the most unusual of places. It didn't come from a human, nor from an angel. It didn't come from a demon, or even God. It came from a muggle born. It came from Balthazar.

Armed with magic, Balthazar challenged Jack to a duel. But this duel didn't end like all the other ones. It didn't end with Jack as victor. No, this time things were different. This time Jack lost. Balthazar killed him, and Jack stayed dead. No one knew why, but this time, Jack just didn't come back.

Everyone celebrated and everyone cheered Balthazar as their hero. But their joy was short-lived.

There was an accident, two chemicals that should never even be in the near vicinity of each other were mixed and BOOM. The reaction was so big and so disastrous, that it wiped out the entire population of Earth. Well, all but six. It just so happened that at the time of the accident, Sherlock, John, Arthur, Merlin, Misha and Jensen were all touring an old, but very sturdy bomb shelter. It also helped that it was deep underground, so for the most part, the six of them were completely sheltered and safe from the explosion.

When they exited the shelter, they found nothing but wasteland and dead bodies. Every living-thing had perished. It was a miracle the six of them had survived, even with the bomb shelter.

Being the last six humans on Earth, they decided that the best course of action was to start a club. The called themselves "The Last Earthies". Unfortunately, they didn't last long, and soon all but one had died of dehydration. All but Misha. Because, you see, Misha was actually the Master.

And then Dean woke up.

* * *

"The end. Did you like it, Gabe?" Anna asked as she bounced on her chair.

"And you wrote this all by yourself?" Gabe questioned skeptically.

"Yah!"

"Suuuure you did." Gabe teased.

"I did!" Anna giggled.

"Well, it was lovely, Anna Banana." Gabe said as he ruffled his little sister's hair.

"Really? You think so? What was your favourite part?" She asked curiously. Gabe thought for a moment.

"I liked all of it." He replied finally.

"Noooo! You have to choose!" The red haired little angel pestered.

"Do I have to?" Whined Gabe. Anna smiled.

"Yes!"

"Fine." Gabe sighed, "Hmmm...then I guess my favourite part was when Moose and Loki needed a hug."

"How come?" Anna asked.

"Because everybody needs a hug sometimes. Even grumpy old Moose!" Anna laughed and Gabe smiled.

"Are you gonna keep it?" Anna inquired once she was done laughing.

"Of course, Anael, why wouldn't I?" Gabe said. Anna shrugged.

"And you know what?" Gabe continued.

"What?"

"This story of yours gave me a wonderful idea for a birthday gift for Dean!" Gabe finished with a mischievous smile.

Anna giggled.


End file.
